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Feeling a bit like a mother sending her kid off the school for the first time, knowing that there are several busy roads to be negotiated along the way.  Today Jack drove me into Vancouver, dropped me off at John’s studio and is now making his way back by himself.  That means 50 miles or so of heavy traffic, first through the city on 4-lane streets, then on a 4-8 lane highway, through some pretty nasty construction.   Since I’m always there as navigator it goes easy, but I worry about him being in the right lane at the right time.  Silly I know, but there you go.  Before I send this he will have phoned to let me know he made it.

So, its back to blogging.  We’ve had a quiet few days since Seattle.  Met up with friends Rob and Elizabeth a couple of times, went to a dog show in Chilliwack.  Did a bit more exploring.  Gotta say the dog show was fun.  It was a small show, so very casual with lots of chances to talk to people.  Jack met and fell in love with Charlie, a miniature Schnauzer who is a real girly, girl, just like Tipsy was.  

Weather is still more wet days than sunny ones, but that doesn’t mean full blown rain.  Its usually showers or light rain so not bothersome.  We have learned to kick back and really enjoy the sun shine days.  We head out early, taking a picnic, and enjoy the sun while we have it.  Since its almost always mild temperatures we are trying to get out walking as much as Jack’s hips allow.

I talk to Mom every day.  There has been quite a bit of turmoil and upset going on around her so I am totally thankful for Jenny and the fact that she has made this trip possible for us.  I don’t know how I’m ever going to repay her for all she does, but I will find a way.  One thing I do know is that I will have to go to Mom’s as soon as we get home, and plan on staying until she is in better housing.  She really needs to be in a care facility now and we are working hard to make that happen.  This scenario with Mom is a lesson for everyone.  Make sure you reach old age (she is 92) with enough money and resources to live the best you can.  My parents made so many mistakes.  The big one was the reverse mortgage.  That left Mom almost penniless.  But there are other factors that came into play as well.

When Dad died we immediately began trying to get Mom to move into a seniors apartment.  She wouldn’t even let us put her on the list for an apartment for a long time.  Fought it every step of the way.  Once she did admit she needed somewhere more suitable to live it took several years to get in.  Then the fight began to get her somewhere with more care.  When you have no money that is a long, frustrating, slow process which can be very depressing and demoralizing.  Our hands were tied until Mom agreed to go through the interview for assessment, and sign that she wants to go into a long-term care facility.  That happened in May.  She is now on the list for when a space opens up in one of 5 homes.  And she is going down hill - noticeably every week now instead of every few months.

Although I have every confidence in Jenny handling things there I do feel a lot of guilt and anxiety about being here instead of with Mom.  It comes back to that situation referred to as the sandwich generation.  The term was coined to represent people who are looking after both parents and children. I sometimes think of myself as a torte generation.  I have several in my life who need cheering up by me from time to time - which is great, I’m happy to be able to support them. Especially as I in turn have folks I turn to to help keep me on an even keel. .  

I’m really glad that Jack and I have had this time here.  Its been good for him to be in this better climate, and more positive environment.  He’s hurting because of his hip, but other than that is doing well.  Its also been a very good time to reconnect with John and Chrissy as well as other friends and family.  Jack and I now feel much better about our own future and look ahead with enthusiasm instead of apprehension.  That is big.

Reinforces my belief that everyone needs to take a close look at their lives every 5 years or so and make the changes needed to keep them on the path that is best for their own well-being and enjoyment of life.  Don’t stay in a house that isn’t suitable for old age.  Upkeep, ongoing maintenance, become both costly and very difficult to cope with.  As well things like stairs, dealing with snow and ice, getting the groceries from the car to the house - or when you can no longer drive - even getting groceries become huge obstacles.  Changing things becomes more and more difficult as we age both physically and mentally.  So do what you can, when you can, to make for the best possible later years in life.

Don’t know how I slid into that topic, but if it give you some food for thought, or encourages some thinking and planning for your future it’s a message well sent.

More next time

Julie